"ATTENTION, FELLOW CARBON-BASED BIPEDS...A regiment of albino cannibalistic emo cowboys has infiltrated the outlying suburbs of Celluville, riding a pack of sunburned telekinetic ostriches with nickel plated genital piercings. Their spokesman is demanding 3,020 copies of the November 1983 issue of Reader's Digest magazine, and an 8-track cassette of the SpaceJam soundtrack. Local authorities are refusing to negotiate, until these miscreants put on high visibility safety thongs... Our temperature today will reach a high of 57 degrees... "